Time for your bloodbath, Easyl. Part II

Check out Part I if you are wondering what the hell is going on.

On to Saturday's Bloodbath in Bristol.

12pm - The Pit and the Pendulum
This is obviously a filmed version of the classic Atari video game Pitfall!. I remember it fondly. The film-makers weren't able to secure the movie rights from Activision, so they had to change the name. It's pretty obvious, though, that they've copied most other aspects of the game, as it is just 90 minutes of a guy running along in a straight line jumping over pits and snakes and swinging over alligator infested ponds, just to collect piles of gold and silver. The Pendulum part of the title describes the hypnotic swinging ropes that populated this classic game, and the Pit is, well, I'll move on. Unfortunately, this movie was directed by Uwe Boll, the German director of such "classic" video game adaptations as Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead and BloodRayne, all fully entrenched in the IMDB all time bottom 100 movies.

2pm - Darklands
This is not the most descriptive title I've come across, so I'll just make up a movie that I'd like to see:

The world is in eternal darkness. Demons roam the land, dragons rule the sky and all people are enslaved, except a small group who remain hidden, living underground, scavenging what they can. A young woman with special powers and a leather G-string may be the only one who can bring the world back to the light. Can she find the magic sword that can unleash her powers, and can she keep her top on for more than five minutes? All is revealed, and I mean all.

4:30pm - Boy Meets Girl
OK, I'm tipping this has lots of sex in it. After all, how can you have a weekend of horror, cult and exploitation movies without at least something with lots of sex in it? I'm sure there will be a story of sorts, but who cares because this one has lots of sex in it.

8:30pm - Left for Dead
Time for a revenge movie:

Kerry is a slightly geeky teenager living in middle America. One night she is hit by a car full of High School boys out on a drunken binge. They drive off leaving her unconscious and bleeding. She is saved by a passing cyclist, but spends the next five years in hospital rehabilitating. No one is ever charged for the hit-and-run, because that's the kind of thing that you get away with in a small town when you are the quarterback of the local football team and your daddy is the mayor. She knows who they are, however, and it's not long before all involved start dropping dead in the most unusual of circumstances. Notable for early performances by Naomi Watts and Matthew McConaughey.

10:30pm - Dark Intruder
I thought about going down the route that this was some kind of KKK propaganda film ending with an almighty lynching, but that's going a little too far. So how about this:

In the vane of classic slasher flicks like Halloween and Friday the 13th, this sees a quiet Denver suburb terrorised over one night by a knife wielding maniac dressed entirely in black. The only distinguishing feature is that the arse cheeks have been cut out of his trousers (in Sweden it had the alternate title Full Moon). Strangely there was no Dark Intruder 2, 3 or Freddy vs Dark Intruder.

That's it for Saturday's programme. One day's B.S. to go, then I might have some actual information to impart.