Starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Trevor Fehrman
Production Budget: US$5 million
Running Time: 97 min
In 1994 I was an innocent 18 year old. I believed the Death Star was built by bad people, that the number 37 had no particular meaning, and if anyone had asked me to make like a Circus Seal I would have clapped. Then I saw Clerks, and my eyes were opened. This was the greatest "No Budget" film ever made (US$27,000). Smart, funny and extraordinarily crass, I loved every minute of it. So, 12 years later, has Clerks II opened my 30 year old eyes?
Most of the original male cast returns, older, fatter and no better at acting. There is poor loser Dante (O'Halloran), at his last day at work before moving to Florida and getting married. There is his best friend Randall (Anderson), who seemingly spends most of his life trying to ruin Dante's. And, as always, there is Jay and Silent Bob, the perpetually loitering local drug dealers. The two main additions are Mooby's manager Becky (Dawson, who can act) and nerdy, god-fearing 19 year old Elias (Fehrman, who can act, weirdly), aka Optimus Prime, the butt of many a Randall put down. And there's a donkey.
The story pretty much mirrors the original: Instead of the Quick Stop convenience store, Dante and Randall now work at fast-food restaurant Mooby's, and we once again experience a day in their lives, with all the hijinx and emotional turmoil it entails. The jokes are all there, be they scatalogical or sexual, or sexually scatalogical, or about drugs, beastiality, racism or The Lord of the Rings. Before seeing this movie, I had never realised that you could put the words 'ass' and 'mouth' together with a simple preposition and get something so distasteful. It's not outrageous, splitting your sides funny, but it does have a lot of great jokes, the kind you'll want to quote among your friends (but not your grandma). Awkwardly, it also has a lot of melodrama, which tends to fall flat through parts of the movie, although I guess the romantics in the audience probably appreciate it more than I do. And it does have a surprisingly emotional and uplifting ending.
So, to answer my own question, no, I am not a changed person for having seen Clerks II. Basically, it's Clerks all over again, with different jokes, colour film and a donkey. The main thing that was missing was originality, and I didn't have the same "I'm cracking up because I can't believe they are saying that" experience I did with the first movie. But I did have an enjoyable hour and a half, and I look forward to seeing it again on DVD.
What are you waiting for? Go and see it, you little porch monkey. And take your girlfriend... tell her it's a romantic comedy, with a donkey.
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