Amateur kitchen renovations... and amateur video production

In this weeks episode, we review kitchen renovations, and experience technical difficulties that make a mockery of our "one take only" policy. Most prescient quote of the review - Woon: "let's hope this video turns out well".

Dominos Supreme now less sucky

In this weeks episode, we test Dominos' new Supreme pizza. So, basically we just eat pizza for four minutes.

Note to Dominos' head honcho, the add says $6.95 and Holland got charged $7.95, and they spelled his name Daroll. So please send $1 to 734 Evergreen Tce. and remember for next time, the correct spelling is Dacool.

It's baby food, baby!

In this weeks episode, we review baby food... and breast milk.

Bieber Fever

In this weeks episode, we expose ourselves to the contagious disease that appears to afflict almost every girl between the age of 9 and 16. Are we immune, or do we succumb to the horror of Bieber Fever?

KFC

In this weeks episode, we review KFC's Mix It Up Meal, and in the process uncover an insidious KFC plot to change - without any public consultation - the original recipe... for their wet wipes. Ends on a cliffhanger.

Werribee Zoo

In this weeks episode, we review Victoria's Open Range Zoo (if that IS your real name?), and Woon sneaks in a mention of his wife to prove that we are, in fact, not gay (at least, not 100% gay). Don't miss the final note of pessimism, and we'll see you next week for more episodic goodness (hopefully?).

Yogurt

In this weeks episode, we review berry yogurt... and learn a very important life lesson; never try to high-five a blind man.

Kick-Ass

In this weeks episode, we review the controversial new comic book move, Kick-Ass. Is it "a truly nasty piece of work" (Tom Ryan, The Sunday Age), or does it, as they say in not so many words, stick the boot into the donkey? It sure does.

3 second reviews

In this weeks episode, we attempt twenty reviews in three minutes. Do we succeed? Yes. Kind of. Badly.



Hmmm? Seems that the sound cut out with about a minute to go. Not any more. Hurray for alternate sound sources, even if they are a bit crap.

Colgate Wisp

In this weeks episode, we review the Colgate Wisp, a breath freshening device that will literally make your gums bleed.

Melbourne City Romp

In this weeks episode, we review the Romp... no, not that kind of romp, dammit... the Melbourne City Romp, a clue hunt around Melbourne organised to raise money for the Burnet Institute. We discuss the benefits of paying $44 to get in "free" to an $8 museum, and detail our mammoth fundraising effort. And some bonus material this week... our very first outtake - yes, even we aren't perfect.

Street Orienteering

In this weeks episode, we review street orienteering, express pride in beating 12 year olds and receive some good advice from a dog.

All-you-can-eat Chinese food.

In this weeks episode, we review China Bar Signature. Does this sound like the review of a man who had ALL he could eat? Well, yes. In summary, neither of us puked, just.

Heavy Rain

In this weeks episode, we review the latest PS3 exclusive, complete with homoerotic undertones. And we forget to mention that it has boobies in it.

Diet pills

In this weeks episode our attempt at better production values is spoilt by a lack of communication; and a hot light.

3D glasses

In this weeks episode Woon gets his moneys worth, while Holland vainly tries to make a valid point about the supposed world-beating success of Avatar.

Don't like ads, watch this instead.

In yet another iteration of our on-again-off-again attempt at world internet domination (or at least get our hit count into double digits), welcome to our weekly 3 minute video reviews. In today's episode, we attempt to introduce the new direction, but can we get to the point in only 3 minutes?

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince

Holland:
There is something comforting about a Harry Potter movie. It's a bit like when you meet up with an old friend that you haven't seen for ages, and within five minutes you're happily chatting away, having settled into the old routine like you'd just seen them yesterday. Going into the sixth film in the series, I had read very little about it and had managed to avoid all reviews, yet I was pretty sure that I knew what I was in for, and I got exactly that. Mostly, the reason I enjoyed this film is simply that these characters are fun to hang out with for two-and-a-half hours. And that's lucky, because they don't really do a lot in that time, except, well, hang out. The plot is pretty much this: Harry Potter and friends laugh, cry, whinge and snog their way through another year at Hogwarts, with occasional glimpses of Draco Malfoy up-to-no-good-as-usual and Harry helping Dumbledore save the world and getting chummy with yet-another-new-teacher-with-issues. A lot of the movie focuses on romantic misunderstandings (but we just know that they're going to get together in the end), and I don't think I've heard such blatant use of the word snog since Doctor Seuss' The Snogs that Snogged Snogsville. And the film-makers sneak in a couple of cool scary bits - a scene at the Weasly's house is particularly tense - that will frighten the bejesus out of any little kids watching. I can't wait until I have little kids of my own to torture with stuff like this.

The formerly child-now-adult actors still fit their characters perfectly, and as usual the real adults (a who's who of British acting royalty) are amazing, and obviously having a total blast. Alan Rickman is just brilliant as the squinting, scowling Professor of the Dark Arts, Severus Snape. I used to think that Daniel Radcliffe's standard Harry pose, whether angry, confused or nervous - bolt upright, with a blank expression and a slight tic (almost vibrating) - was caused by a lack of acting ability, but I've come to the conclusion that he's doing it on purpose because that's how Harry Potter is. It makes him much less annoying when one gives him the benefit of the doubt.

So in conclusion, a fun movie for the whole family; don't forget the little kids, and don't forget to change their sheets the next morning. I give it a "See it on the big screen and then buy the DVD when it's cheap".

Sadly, I also own the game-of-the-film, which loosely follows the plot of the movie without actually having any plot, and sees you running around Hogwarts having wand battles, broomstick races and making potions. I give it a "Pull a swifty and get it for free at JB by trading in a second hand game you just bought for $24, then give it to your wife, girlfriend or child, unless you are one of those three, in which case enjoy".

Hold your breath, because Woon will post his review shortly, if and when he actually sees the movie. And here it is...

Woon:
There are good months and then there are bad months when it comes to escaping the family for a few hours for personal social time. July is a bad month, but thanks to the wonders of the internet, I was able to put together the movie via wikipedia, forum posts, trailers, extended trailers and youTube. Okay, not really, but part of the last sentence was true, the internet is wondaarrful.

So to the review. I'd have to admit I am not a Harry Potter fan. Right from the beginning when they pushed a trolley through a pillar in the middle of a train station with "muggles" everywhere was pretty much when I gave up on all the hype. I tried to get into it, I really did but when all the films all look the same, i.e. dark cinematography, way to much CGI to be impressive and a mystery that only gets revealed in the final third of the film, it is much easier to read the corresponding wikipedia article.

This movie is actually quite hard to review if you think about it. All the main characters are the same and played by the same people. And given that it is the 6th in the series, the producers are unlikely to change the look, feel and the amount they stray from the book (I assume). The two highlights are therefore when Harry drinks the "luck" potion and when Ron accidentally sniffs the love letter. Apart from that it more of the same same. I give it a "Go see it if you are fan, and if you are not, wait for the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in 5 Seconds video on youTube"

For the record Holland, the word "snog" was only said 6 times. I'd reference the times, but I don't think I could sit through those two hours again, even with MasterChef running in the background.

Holland:
Six times is pretty blatant, considering that snog was said a grand total of zero times in the previous five films? I'm also pretty sure that Ron ate love potion infused chocolates and didn't just sniff a love letter (I guess that scene came up when Po was having trouble with her final dish on Masterchef). As for straying from the book, your wiki friend should have told you that the major battle from the end of the book has been omitted from the movie, so you assume wrong. And I don't know why familiarity with the characters and story, and the consistent tone of the series makes it hard to review. You either liked it or you didn't like it. If preconceptions make you more or less likely to enjoy it, so be it.

Woon:
*Retracted*

The Hangover

Woon:
Giving a movie a title like The Hangover does not leave much to the imagination. And from the ad campaign, which was quite extensive in my opinion, the entire plot was essentially told to you even before you paid for your allocated seats at the box office. I was expecting a T&A romp much like Bachelor Party from the early 80's where movies of that period, such as Animal House, Porky's and Revenge of the Nerds pushed the taste and ratings classification boundaries. And even if I knew the plot and most likely the ending, I was hoping Heather Graham would make it worthwhile.

I believe this movie was trying to sell itself as THE naughty movie for the noughties, but alas, it was not. Everything was so PC and stereotypical. The plot for the first half felt like a TV cop show episode where the protagonists worked from clue to clue, going from the previous nights consequence to consequence. Many of these consequences, as I've said before, were shown in the ads and when the scene came up, it just didn't make me chuckle. It just felt like a re-worked version of Dude Where's My Car.

There were funny moments though but more in the stupidity of the lines delivered as apposed to the situation they were in. The stereotypical characters were well played. In particular the Asian gang leader, quite different to his role in Knocked Up. In fact, this is probably its saving grace. I give it a "Wait for it in a 3 in 1 DVD release"

Holland:
After seeing the crap trailer, I had absolutely no interest in seeing this movie, but I was convinced to go by a favourable review from Margaret and David and a text message from my friend Kristy stating "Funniest. Movie. Ever." (she probably didn't use that many full stops because she's not that geeky, but I know what she meant).

There were a lot of jokes in this movie. Some fell pretty flat, and some brought a small chuckle but were childish, e.g. lets all laugh at the naked fat guy, the naked old man or the naked Chinese guy. Still, there were enough original, clever and funny jokes that I went along for most of the ride. And any movie that can get away with masturbation jokes involving babies gets a thumbs up from me.

While the performances are perfectly fine, all of the characters are pretty much your stock standard bachelor party stereotypes - the obnoxious stud who is up for anything; the nerd who constantly worries - with the exception of the socially inept Alan, played by Zach Galifianakis, who may well have created a new stereotype, like a cross between John Belushi in Animal House and Rain Man. He gets all of the best lines and I would say that this was a not that great movie without him, but include him and it becomes a pretty OK movie.

I found my interest waning from about the middle of the movie, and while most of the movie thankfully lacked melodrama, the ending was painfully awash with schmaltz, and my groaning was only halted by some silly crassness over the end-credits.

Woon, I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I don't think they were trying to make this the naughty movie of the noughties, as much as you love the pun. This is just the latest in a long line of frat pack movies, the only difference being that this one doesn't have Vince Vaughn and/or Will Ferrell in it. Just look at the director Todd Philips' filmography for starters. And I think you'll find that the naughtiest mainstream comedy this year is Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri Make a Porno. It's rated R for starters.

All, up there is quite a bit to like about this movie, and there are enough one-liners that repeat viewings will probably throw out a few gems missed on earlier viewings. I give it "watch the DVD with a couple of mates and a keg".

Woon:
Having Vince Vaughn AND, not or, Will Ferrell in this movie would not have saved it. Nothing was missing from the acting, it just lacked cleverness in the lines. It needed a bit of Apatow wit sprinkled on it.

Holland:
I think having those two in it would have made it a much worse movie. The great thing about the Alan character was that he was so quiet and understated, and if Will Ferrell had played him (as he surely would have) it would have been so manic and over-the-top that the whole thing would have been ruined and I would have had to book the next flight to Hollywood just so I could track him down and punch him in the face.

I've just been looking through his filmography, and I've realised that I haven't seen a single movie that Judd Apatow has written or directed, and of those he has produced, I've only seen The Cable Guy (funny), Anchorman (very funny) and Taledaga Nights (ugh!). We might have to book in an Apatow festival.

Terminator Salvation

Holland:
Here is the basic premise of T4: John Connor is searching for a young man, Kyle Reese, so that he can then send him back in time to have sex with his mother and, hence, become his father. But John Connor is already there, so he must have found Kyle and sent him back, right? So why all the stress? Time travel movies require the suspension of disbelief, and this is fine, providing the movie is funny (Back to the Future, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) or kick arse (T2). In T4, it is just annoying. The other annoyance is with the Terminators themselves, and this is a 2-part annoyance: 1. Why are there so few Terminators, the third act is set in a fricking Terminator factory? 2. Why do they insist on throwing people against walls, giving them a chance to escape or be rescued instead of a) shooting them dead or b) smashing their head in?

There are a couple of pretty good action scenes, and I like all of the actors (Sam Worthington is particularly good). It also has a brief surprise appearance from an old friend, which got a good crowd reaction. If it was a stand alone futuristic action/sci-fi movie I probably would have thought that it was an OK popcorn movie. But this is a Terminator movie, and I demand more, dammit!

The ending of T2 was kind of corny, but it was also perfect. The ending of T4 is kind of similar, but is just stupid. Actually, I think this pretty much sums up the whole movie. It ticks all of the boxes for what you'd expect in a Terminator movie, but it just isn't very good.

They are certainly keeping their sequel options open. Not only does nothing really get resolved in this movie, they don't even get up to the point where Reese is sent back in time. Urgh!

I don't want anybody else spending money seeing this movie. It will just encourage them to think that people liked it, and when the next Terminator movie is made (which is pretty much inevitable), we might get lumped with another mess like this. My score therefore has to be: If you really want to see it, "see it on TV".


Woon:
Let's face it. Time travel movies are a fallacy. James Cameron essentially screwed the pooch in the original Terminator when he let John Conner send his own father back in time to let him be born. There are so many plot holes to do with that side of the story that the only way not to give this movie a zero is to review it without that subplot. OK, so the baddie robots are from the baddie aliens (BA) and the goodie robots are from the goodie aliens (GA). John Conner has a unique DNA mutation that threatens the existence of the BA race. The GAs must protect John Conner because he is the ultimate weapon. Both aliens can't come to earth because it would freak everyone out and we would kill them both.

T1: BA sees John's mother as having the potential to mutate. GA recruits Kyle Reese to protect her. Cool looking robots, bit of T&A, explosions and ends in an industrial setting. T2: BA sees the mutated John, sends next model to kill him. GA sends captured old model to protect. Cool looking robots, no T&A (just male glutious maximus), explosion and ends in an industrial setting. T3: BA still looking for John, GA sends captured old model to protect. Cool looking robots, censored T (dammit), explosions and ends in an industrial/military setting.

And now to T4, well you know the drill. The look of the film was a lot grittier than T2 and T3. Scenes reminiscent of Mad Max 2 during the highway chase and Saving Private Ryan during the headquarters escape. All the old favorite lines were there as well as the T-800 (with and with out skin - spoiler). It definitely is like all the other Terminator movies, but minus the fate/can't change destiny tagline. I was expecting a John Conner centric story with his heroism finally shown, but this was not the case. I think the makers could not decide whether to focus the story on him or the Terminators and in the end it was a half arsed attempt to do both and they failed at both.

Giving it a rating of "worth a torrented DVD rip but only if you have nothing else to use your end of month quota on".


Holland:
I'm not sure that your rewriting of the Terminator mythology minus the time travel solves any of the problems with this movie. It vaguely works for the first three, but the whole point of T4 is that it is the future and John and the Terminators are looking to change the past. I prefer to leave time travel in and just not think about it too much. It got me thinking though, that the makers of T4 should have taken your advice and removed the time travel element from the movie. Then we could have just sat back and enjoyed a futuristic robot vs man (I bags being the robot) action romp.

And thanks for the reminder about the hot naked chick in T3.

Woon:
Whomever fed the knowledge into Skynet so it could become self aware should have shown it less of the Austin Power's trilogy and more of Third Riech playbook. I'm calling this as the last of the franchise.

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Next up: Hanna Montana.